Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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