ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
