I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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