If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
