Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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