I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
