would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
