I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
