i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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