i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
