Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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