I have demons in me.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
