Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
