i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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