When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
