i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
