Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
