i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
