Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
