I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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