i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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