Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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