I wannas sexs uuuuu
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
