she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
