sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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