so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
