oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
