We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
