You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
