I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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