Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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