a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
