I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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