So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
