Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
