I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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