i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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