he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
