You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
