So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
