ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
