What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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