you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
