Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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