He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
