Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
