Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
