3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
