Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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