i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
