My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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