so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
