I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
