I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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