His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
