Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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