Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
