Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
