Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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