Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
