hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
