I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
